Archive for Jargon

Critique: “Trayvon” by Jargon

Posted in Critique with tags , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2013 by Trus Real


Listen to the track here:

So this track is about the exhausted topic of the Trayvon Martin case. Concept alone, he should definitely get his information straight.  He claims that Zimmerman is a crazy “white” man. Remember that Zimmerman is of Latino heritage as well, but the case itself is a whole other topic. The beat and his vibe on the track is crazy.  With the recorded 911 call at the end and everything gave me a “Kim” feeling from Eminem. It’s eerie as hell and it’s perfect for the subject matter. Now as I put on my gloves to dig deep into the song, I don’t like what I found. The beat was too slow for the pace of his flow.  This left longer time gaps in between his words which made his flow seem choppy and have this robotic feel. A little character and some stretched syllables could’ve aided him with that.  Later on it sounded like he struggled with rockin the beat somewhere near the end at the “help” part. So big loss of points in 2 categories there. Lyrically he was ok. I was on the fence at the beginning, then it got better as the suspense picked up as well as his delivery. I understand its harder to stay on your multi patterns when telling a story, but he held it down on that aspect. He told the story nicely so he got those points, but what also kinda dragged the song was his monotone delivery. It didn’t have to be a roller coaster of emotions, but there were parts he could’ve added some energy.  He didn’t switch much up either, the verse was kind of the same pattern the whole way through. It was quite boring.  I’d fall asleep if I heard it twice in a row.

The Critique: Maybe he could’ve either found a faster beat, or reworded the lines for additional syllables to fill in the time gaps for a smoother flow. I’m sure this will automatically help with the delivery as well.  Switch the format up a bit for variety.  The lyrics are fine, but the choppy execution took a lot away from it. And for this concept, it’s EXTREMELY emotional and sensitive so to make a song in Trayvon’s narrative is brilliant, but you must take more advantage of the emotional aspect for a much bigger shock value. The monotone delivery held back the full potential of that.

Flavor: Underground Hip Hop

Execution: 3/5

Flow/Delivery: 3/5

Character: 0/2

Energy: 1/3

Lyricism: 4/5

Final Rate: 11/20 Wack I’ve heard better from Jargon